Tough times were never tough because of you...

Dear Mom,

Everyday is mother's day for me!

Your smile, no matter what, warmed me with a feeling of security.  The hardships you faced in your life were full of challenges and constant hurdles, but not once did I see you complain or cry over them. You were always a fighter. Widowed at a very young age, with three kids aged 14, 12 and 8, you took all the adversities in your stride and like a lioness protected your cubs. The whole lifestyle changed from comfort to hardship. But there was not a day when you made us feel of the big loss. Now that I am a wife and a mother, I can very closely relate to what the loss was in your life and shudder at the thought.  

Every moment I spent with you has a wonderful memory attached to it. Those assuring hugs when things were tough at study or work; our on the splurge shopping trips; you cooking me my favourite dishes, such an awesome cook you were; the beautiful dresses you designed and stitched for me forgoing your sleep at night and had to be up early to wind up the household chores and rush to your work place, the school in the locality. Your friendly demeanour attracted people to you. The respect you commanded from your students and parents at school was simply inspiring. The helping nature at times made people take you for a ride but that did not deter you from continuing the good work and you stuck by your values.

You were always that giving and forgiving person. I always wondered what stuff you were made off! 

Challenges seemed to like you a lot. When everything looked settled and happy, with your kids well educated, married, grand kids and life was meant to relax and enjoy, breast cancer came into your life. Any other person would have been shattered, but you took it in your stride. Thus began the torturous surgery followed by a series of chemo and radiotherapy sessions. Hospital became your home, the doctors, nurses and other patients your friends. Again it was your endearing smile that was the bright spot. There was this phase when a tumour in the brain had muddled up your sharp memory. You got names mixed up, forgot many events, and remembered a few in bits and pieces but the smile remained intact. You were this sweet six year old polite kid. It was one of the most difficult times in the life of my siblings and me.  But also some wonderful memories of seeing the sweetest side of you and fighting pain like a true warrior will always remain etched in my mind. You were just 59, it was too early to say good bye but you gracefully drifted away after a two year fight with cancer.

You #MyFirstExpert have taught me to live life,and be a fighter. Thank you mom for every beautiful moment spent with you. I believe you continue to guide me and take care of me from up there, My Shining Star!

Love & hugs,

Your loving daughter.

Note: I thank Godrej Expert http://godrejexpert.com/single_used_pack.php for the opportunity to share beautiful memories of my mom #MyFirstExpert. It is my tribute to my super mom!

Mom - My Guardian Angel

MOM...been 5 years!!! Love You...

No words can express the love, affection, power, beauty, grit, goodness, contentment and majesty in the way you lived . You continue to be our guardian angel and guide. We know you continue to pray for our well being and safety and also that of all your loved ones. We miss you but again know you are within us! 

Remembering Mom...

I miss you mom. I miss my daily telephonic conversations with you. I miss your ever cheerful voice. I miss your encouraging words. I miss your hugs. I miss your criticism. I miss your physical presence. I miss your prayers for our well being... But you are alive in my memories, heart and mind. A year has gone, but it seems yesterday I bid you farewell! I love you mom.

Having lost my dad very early taught me my first lesson in interpersonal communication. As a kid, I was in awe of my dad. Though we were close, I still maintained a distance, spoke little out of respect and sometimes out of fear. We were taught to speak carefully to elders, no back answers, no tantrums, etc. In the process, there were some positive aspects, like my creative side, my feelings for him, my thoughts that went unsaid. I still regret having not shared my feelings with dad.

Since then, I have given a lot of importance to sharing my positive thoughts , experiences and feelings with family, relatives and friends. I value communication, networking and connecting which I think, makes us more human.

As a Psychologist and Counsellor, I have encountered kids who find it frustrating having parents who are uncommunicative and overly occupied with their work life; kids who actually have no clue of their parent's work profile. One instance I remember vividly , the frustrating face of a student who went to attend the visa interview at the US Consulate and was rejected visa as he stood dumb, when asked about his dad's work profile. It was because he had no clue about what his dad actually did at the work place. And the student felt remorseful and angry about his dad for being aloof and non communicative.

There are instances where kids complain of parents who hardly spend any time with them, in the name of heavy work load and often are subject to the standard speech, "I am doing all this for you, your comfort etc". Most of the kids loathe it. Some kids find it convenient having a parent, specifically dad, away from home as long as their materialistic needs are fulfilled. They don't want to be policed. It is really a sad situation.

I am glad, my dad exposed me to his work environment. He was a mining engineer at Hutti Gold Mines in Karnataka State. He always encouraged learning. I spent fourteen years at this small and cozy place, since my birth. Hutti and my childhood memories of the place, have a special significance in my life. Those wonderful memories and people have resurfaced in recent times. I credit the Internet and social media networking sites for this.

I am an avid blogger and active on Facebook. My write-up about my mom on this blog, surprisingly, had friends who knew my parents and were not in touch for years, messaging me here and conveying wonderful things about them, which I did not know or instances that had just faded away from my memory. It is indeed a feel good factor!

Facebook has got me in touch with my childhood friends and people from our Hutti days. The old photographs posted on Facebook, transports you back to those golden days. Again, these are people who knew my parents and remembered such minute details about them. One of them described how pretty my mom looked when she first arrived in Hutti as a bride and also the colour of saree she wore for the wedding reception at the Hutti officers' Club. This event took place in 1969, 40 years ago! These are emotional and mind blowing moments for me. I feel blessed for having such wonderful parents. They were karmayogis in the true sense. They lived short but meaningful lives.

Don't shy away from sharing your feelings, experiences, achievements, concerns and thoughts from your loved ones. Let's share good things about our lives and keep in touch!

Every Day...Mother's Day !

Being mom is the best and craziest thing in the world. As I always say, “the Psychologist and Counsellor in me goes for a toss” when it comes to my soon-to-be-nine, daughter. She is my most precious little angel. I love her! But she can quickly turn into my most precious little devil too.

I am amazed, how cool she is about her school, teachers, homework, grades, etc. I always have a feeling , it is I who is studying in the 4^th grade, it is my homework, my exams, my studies… and just before her exams, my friends convey their “All the best” messages to me. I also receive the “Congrats & You did well” messages when she gets good marks. Didn’t I tell you being mom is the best and the craziest…

It turned crazier when she shared her aspirations with me. We are in Kolkata Airport at 5.30 am to board a flight; she gives admiring and enviable glances at the airhostesses. I was feeling sleepy and grumpy and she kept pulling my hand and when I clenched my teeth and asked her, what is it? She said these airhostesses are so lucky. I asked, why? She said, they can wear makeup and lipstick all the time and look good. And in the same breath declared, therefore I want to be an airhostess. The reason: I don’t allow her to use lipstick. Can anything be crazier for a mom at 5.30 am?

Yesterday, she unexpectedly questioned me – Do you like One Child, two or three Children? I casually said “three” and I saw her face fall and she asked why? I had to answer something, so I said because we are three siblings and so was the same with her dad. As I told her this, she starts howling, and said “that means you don’t love me because I am the only Child and I don’t want any brother or sister”. I felt like yelling “Are you mad”, but instead took her close to me and hugged her. I told her, I love her the most and she is very important to me. She said “I love you mom” and held on to me very tightly…I grasp for breath, I understand she has had a bad day with friends. It was indeed a mother’s day, isn’t it?

Enjoy being a MOM !!!

The year that was...

The year 2008 has been an eventful year with few ups and lots of down 'moments' for me, personally and professionally. Last year on 31 st December I and my family ushered in the New year at Kolkata with my mom and brothers and their families. Mom was always very enthusiastic about welcoming the New year by cutting a cake at the stroke of midnight and holding us close to her, would wish us with a hug, followed by lighting diyas and saying a small prayer for a healthy and peaceful New Year. We, her children were her world and everything she did was for our well being. I will miss wishing her in person, but memories of her vibrant and enthusiastic spirit brings to me a smile and a tear at the same time.

The last week of this year was eventful for me, as my 8 year old daughter took off on her first week long vacation alone, to Bangalore. Adithi was very keen to visit her paternal cousin, Chinmayi who is 9 months younger to her. They are very fond of each other. Luckily, our family friends who were travelling to Bangalore were happy to take her along and bring her back, and Adithi was more than delighted to travel with them. She was received at the railway station by Arun mama and had a great time in Bangalore playing non stop with Chinmayi and her friends; visiting Wonder La, Bangalore Zoo, a local exhibition, restaurant and shopping malls. She relished all the tasty snacks prepared by her Latha atte.

We spoke to her everyday and she did say she missed us, but I am not too sure about it. We throughly missed her histrionics, but nonetheless had a good time watching "Rab ne bana di jodi ", in a theater. I seem to have come out of my lethargy and suddenly grown fond of the friendly neighbourhood cinema house. Last month saw "Dostana" and liked both the movies. My sister-in-law Suma, a movie and theater buff is very excited about this latest development in my life. I am sure her nephew Aditya, another movie and theater buff will be pleased. He writes great movie reviews.

On a closing note, just before my daughter was leaving for Hyderabad, I called her to give some last minute instructions which obviously disrupted her playing session. I told her to thank her aunt and uncle, and she promptly asked me WHY ? and I began my sermon about them having taken her to visit so many places and got her gifts etc and the fact that she had enjoyed her vacation with them. Her reply was OH ! and as I am still on the phone she yells, " Latha atte, my mom tells me to thank you" and I can overhear my sister-in-law say, Why ? and my daughter yells back " my mom says because you have taken me to Wonder La ... blah...blah..." . I went, " NOT AGAIN Baby" and rumbled with laughter. She returned yesterday morning with lots of goodies which included 2 packets of crayons and a pencil box. She showed them to me and before I could say anything, she proudly stated "See haven't I chosen useful things for gifts". I am mighty pleased by the fact that she understands the word Useful.

So cheers to the child's innocence and the learning process and hope the New Year 2009 will bring peace and happiness to all of us. Have a great year ahead !

Reality Sucks

It is over a month since mom's departure and I am back in the ho-hum of my life, but as days go by, the vacuum it has created is more evident. I ponder as to why, it is so difficult coping this loss, having known the outcome from day one of the diagnosis. I had been preparing myself to face the unthinkable , the sole reality of our existence - Death. No doubt, reality sucks !

Thankfully, I feel my mom's presence but miss talking and listening to her. We will miss her even more on her birthday on December 5th. She would have been "Sixty" that day. Time is said to be a great healer and I know for sure it will take hell of a time to heal. My daughter cheers me up and doesn't want to see tears in my eyes. She is convinced that her grandma is living the life of a queen in heaven, riding a chariot with a magic wand in hand. And basically having a great time with new friends. And well, I want to believe her ! Kudos to such imagination.

A small incident that happened a week after mom passed away added momentum to her conviction. My husband wanted to cheer us up, so he suggested we visit the famous Durga Puja Pandal at Secunderabad that evening. We had the darshan of Ma Kali, bumped into many acquaintances and my daughter had a good time. It was past 9 pm and we were unable to get an auto, cab or a bus to get back home. The wait of over 30 minutes started getting on to my nerves and I told her, please pray to God or ask Grandma who is in heaven to send us an auto. My daughter promptly prayed aloud " Grandma please send us an auto", and no sooner she said that, a cab approached us and the driver asked us if we needed a lift to the area where we live. The cab was on its way to pick the BPO employees for night shift. We hopped into the cab and were chauffeur driven home .

I am overwhelmed by the affection and regard people had for my mother and extend my appreciation and gratitude for all their kind thoughts and words. I can't resist myself from sharing a condolence message conveyed to my brother, Ravi by a distant relative, who is a well known "specimen". After lunch on the " Vaikunta Samaradhana cermony" day, as everybody were meeting us and taking leave, this 'specimen" who is about sixty years of age with his father of eighty years alive, walked up to my brother, shook his hand and told him " I am in a better position than you, my father is still alive. You are an orphan now, with both your parents dead". I am not exaggerating, these were the exact words conveyed by this person. My husband and Sister-in-law who overheard it and did not know the person were shocked . Wow, can any condolence message match up to it !

Tribute to Mom

Our beloved mother Smt. Geetha Ramamoorthy, w/o Late Shri. H. Ramamoorthy, passed away peacefully at 6.00 am on Oct 2, 2008, Thursday at Army Command Hospital, Kolkata. A lady of tremendous courage, positive attitude, very spiritual and immensely beautiful and talented. She finally gave up her two years of fight against breast cancer on Gandhi Jayanthi day. She was a wonderful human being who has touched many lives in her own little way. She led her life with great dignity having lost her husband at an young age and raised three children, a daughter and two sons. We, her children are fortunate to have her as our mother and are very proud of her.

Though she is no longer with us in body, her soul and spirit continues to exist with us. She always told us that her childhood aspiration was to become a soldier or a doctor and serve humanity. And interestingly her youngest son, is a pediatrician in the Indian Armed Forces - A doctor and a soldier. She received the best treatment at the Army Command Hospitals, Pune and Kolkata respectively. She lived a dignified life and received a farewell befitting the proud mother of a Soldier.

I thank my family members, relatives, friends and my brother's colleagues at the Army Command Hospital, Kolkata, who have been very supportive and helpful.