Friday, November 21, 2008

Reality Sucks

It is over a month since mom's departure and I am back in the ho-hum of my life, but as days go by, the vacuum it has created is more evident. I ponder as to why, it is so difficult coping this loss, having known the outcome from day one of the diagnosis. I had been preparing myself to face the unthinkable , the sole reality of our existence - Death. No doubt, reality sucks !

Thankfully, I feel my mom's presence but miss talking and listening to her. We will miss her even more on her birthday on December 5th. She would have been "Sixty" that day. Time is said to be a great healer and I know for sure it will take hell of a time to heal. My daughter cheers me up and doesn't want to see tears in my eyes. She is convinced that her grandma is living the life of a queen in heaven, riding a chariot with a magic wand in hand. And basically having a great time with new friends. And well, I want to believe her ! Kudos to such imagination.

A small incident that happened a week after mom passed away added momentum to her conviction. My husband wanted to cheer us up, so he suggested we visit the famous Durga Puja Pandal at Secunderabad that evening. We had the darshan of Ma Kali, bumped into many acquaintances and my daughter had a good time. It was past 9 pm and we were unable to get an auto, cab or a bus to get back home. The wait of over 30 minutes started getting on to my nerves and I told her, please pray to God or ask Grandma who is in heaven to send us an auto. My daughter promptly prayed aloud " Grandma please send us an auto", and no sooner she said that, a cab approached us and the driver asked us if we needed a lift to the area where we live. The cab was on its way to pick the BPO employees for night shift. We hopped into the cab and were chauffeur driven home .

I am overwhelmed by the affection and regard people had for my mother and extend my appreciation and gratitude for all their kind thoughts and words. I can't resist myself from sharing a condolence message conveyed to my brother, Ravi by a distant relative, who is a well known "specimen". After lunch on the " Vaikunta Samaradhana cermony" day, as everybody were meeting us and taking leave, this 'specimen" who is about sixty years of age with his father of eighty years alive, walked up to my brother, shook his hand and told him " I am in a better position than you, my father is still alive. You are an orphan now, with both your parents dead". I am not exaggerating, these were the exact words conveyed by this person. My husband and Sister-in-law who overheard it and did not know the person were shocked . Wow, can any condolence message match up to it !